I lived in the shadows for what felt like eternity. Things were bleak and dark and I didn't see a way out. The walls were thick, tall and heavy... like the gate to Mordor. Lined with beasts that I didn't have the energy to try to trick. I knew my tricks would throw me in deeper anyway. What was the point.
I forgot what joy felt like. I don't remember tasting food. I didn't experience life through my senses, because I was so overwhelmed by my mind that I was in fight or flight all the time. The pain whispered at first, and then it bellowed as it threw my body into pain and torment. and then it took away the two things that gave me any kind of joy; food and work. I got so ill, I was barely able to move.
And then... I remember bring in tears and something exhaled within me and a tiny voice whispered...
I can't do this anymore.
I don't want to live like this anymore.
Mum, I need help.
That sentence was my first step. A leap of faith. We often think of leaps of faith as these huge massive moon jumps, but sometimes they are tiny leap frogs.
Dipping a toe in the water.
Standing up.
Reaching for someone's hand.
Whispers of hope.
Now, I live in the light most days. I still fall back into the dark, but I know the way out. The safe way into the light. I was able to heal, grow, learn, try, hope... Breathe again.
You don't need to jump out of the shadows yet, but shifting the veil slightly so a single ray of light brightens the shadow, might just be what you need to start your journey towards healing.
I am going to be talking about this in my first newsletter which will be on it's way at the end of the month. I'd love you to join me on the journey. You can sign up here.
Small steps, lovely. Small steps.
Mx
