I haven't been talking about politics much. Mostly because it makes me feel... Partly scared. Partly exhausted. Partly angry. Partly shocked. A tiny bit hopeful. But mostly exhausted.
I'm a gay, female immigrant in an interracial relationship who believes what I do with my body should be my decision. I don't want my future, likely mixed race children to be afraid. I don't want my love to ever feel afraid. I want to be able to marry the woman I love. I believe in people over profit, so it's really no surprise who I am supporting.
I'm a politics major. I'm someone who understands how this works and who has been involved in multiple elections... and yet, I'M EXHAUSTED. That means, most likely, you are too. And let's be honest, regardless of which way this goes, it's going to take a toll on us for a lot longer than that.
Last night I had a really important conversation and I realized I had been shut down. If we aren't taking care of ourselves through this, we are going to burn out. And if we're burnt out, we are going to shut down. And when we shut down, we can't show up for ourselves, let alone one another. A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog about how to handle political pain. And I want to share a revised version with you again...
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Politics can be painful.
Especially when we feel unsafe.
Especially when people we love are threatened.
Especially when we’re seeing people being killed on TV.
Especially when our freedom to love is under siege.
The reason it’s painful is that when someone is attacking our values, we feel like our way of life and values are being threatened or undermined and because of that, we find our sense of self worth as a member of society is low.
In a time where views are so polarized, this can have a huge affect on our mental wellbeing. The danger here is that we are seeing people approach each other with animosity, anger and frustration. The result? Unsafe conversations - both mentally and emotionally, and sometimes even physically.
So here’s what I want to do when you feel political pain. I want you to focus your energy and attention to taking care of yourself first - before you face the world. I want you to process and get grounded. When you spend some time unpacking your emotion and connecting with your body, you are more likely to be able to move forward in a productive way and one that’s healthiest for you emotionally.
Here’s my four step self care plan.
ONE - Acknowledge it & give yourself permission to feel it.
When we are processing our emotions, we often think we think we have to switch it off as quickly as possible. Ignore it. Push it down. Just move on.
Instead, I actually recommend giving yourself some grace and just sitting in it for a short time. Feel it. Cry. Be mad. Be irritated. Feel all the things. One of the things we have to realize is that being human means facing the full range of human emotion.
The time frame will be different for everyone. Whatever it is, just make sure it’s somewhere that gives you space and make it short so you’re not sitting in it for too long, but if you find you can’t get out of it, and you need to speak to your therapist or a hotline for some guidance, this is the time to reach out.
TWO - Understand it.
Write it down. Get a journal and a pen. I am an outward processor so writing it down massively helps me ‘get the emotions out of my body’. You might be surprised as to what you’re actually feeling and what you’re nervous about when you put it on paper. However you do it, know that understanding it allows you to express it and take action later. Here is what I ask myself.
What emotions am I feeling?
What is at the crux of that emotion? If it’s fear, what am I afraid of? If it’s anger, why am I angry? If it’s disappointment, what do I think is going to happen?
Again, if you feel like it’s spiraling instead of soothing, please seek out your therapist or someone you trust to feel supported as you go through this process.
THREE - Elevate from it with self care (of course).
Create a self care action plan. This will help with resetting your nervous system and getting you in a good place to take action. For me this includes 4 things.
Get physical. You HAVE to get connected to y our physical body. Emotion tends to sit in your body and wreak havoc with your immune system, your digestion, your energy level. Maybe you do an old Jane Fonda video from Youtube (because I love them). Maybe you find a yoga yin practice or do a simple stretch routine. Maybe you take a walk around the block. Whatever it is, make sure it’s something you enjoy and will bring you joy.
For us introverts, I definitely recommend something hygee based - especially at this time of year. Something that is sensory and soothes your nervous system will help you feel grounded when everything feels overwhelming. For me, it’s usually a hot bath with all the things - bubble bath, bath bombs, candle light, some Jose Gonzales in the background and a big glass of bubbly. Whatever this is for you, make sure it’s something slow moving to allow you to be grounded in the moment.
If you haven’t already, book up 2 Zoom coffees/calls with people you love, that you know fill your cup. People who can make you feel grounded and connected. That will restore your faith in humanity and in your community. Ask them what they are doing, and how you can get involved.
Name 3 ways you see people taking action to make a difference. Gratitude and tuning into the positive is one of the most powerful tools we can add to our belt. It’s like recasting your hook into the water with intention and can give you some hope when things feel bleak.
FOUR - Tackle it within the framework of self care.
Turn your attention to what is in your control.
If it’s before election day - VOTE! Use your given right. The system may not be perfect, but it’s something we CAN do.
If it’s after the election and the results suck, research 3 orgs in your area that are dedicated to achieving the things you’re passionate about.
Reach out to see how you can help. Before signing up, ask yourself if this feels like a good fit. Is your intuition telling you to give it a go? If so, volunteer. Get active in your community. Reach out to like minded people.
Taking action on things you can do within the framework of self care, will help you to feel aligned and yet boundaried so you can take action but feel safe at the same time.
What do you do to cope with political pain?
