#5: Bodypositivity. Your Body. Your Prerogative.

Welcome to episode five of The Oh Shit Kit Podcast! Today we start a new tradition. We’re kicking off our episodes by telling you our biggest “oh shit” moment of the week! Leora’s was when Charlie texted to say that last week’s audio sounded like shit… We are hopeful that we are coming to you with much better sound quality this week! Maddie’s moment of the week is her last appointment with her current therapist! Maddie loves working with her current therapist, but, unfortunately, her insurance is changing. As we discussed last week, sometimes you have to switch therapists due to logistical issues, even if you like your current therapist, and that SUCKS. However, it doesn’t mean you can’t continue with therapy and get benefit from it! Maddie will be trying out a new therapist in the near future and we will keep you updated about how that goes in future episodes!

Our new goal is not to bore you to death, so we’ve taken out our weird, robotic disclaimer and replaced it with speaking like a human being. We think it’s a little more bearable. Sorry to all you robot lovers out there.

This week are scratching the surface on the topic of body positivity. As we were writing the episode, we discovered that “body positivity” means something completely different for Maddie than it does for Leora! For Leora, body positivity is about focusing on health goals instead of size and letting go of societal expectations about how your body should look. For Maddie, it’s about inspiration, radical self-acceptance, and inclusivity. That means sitting still in who and where she is now, rather than striving to be something different. We want to hear from you: what does body positivity mean to you?? Let us know by connecting with us on social media!

George Michael makes another guest appearance, and this time he may have figured out how to open doors, so this may just be the beginning of the end. Send us your #thoughtsandprayers, we’re gonna need them.

We delve into societal expectations regarding bodies and body image. Maddie has been reading all about this topic, and one of the books she has been into is The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. This book discusses all the apologies that are expected from us each day regarding our bodies. We want to help you stop apologizing and remind you that what your body looks like, feels like, and can/cannot do is NO ONE ELSE’S FUCKING BUSINESS. If there’s someone in your life who thinks that making comments about your body is appropriate, we think it’s okay to tell them to “take a hike” or “fuck off”, depending on how sassy you’re feeling at the moment.

We finally figured out where we heard that quote from Brene Brown that we keep repeating! It’s from her Ted Talk called “Listening to Shame”. We will put a link below so you can watch it, since we “love a good Ted Talk” and are guessing some of you do, too!

We learn some disturbing information from the Huffington Post article that Leora read, including the fact that approximately 50% of girls aged 3 to 6 “worry about being fat”. We discuss how we aren’t born hating our bodies, but it often happens pretty quickly. For Leora, self-consciousness about her body began when she was in elementary school. For Maddie, when someone pointed out the size of her breasts to her when she was 10, she all of a sudden became very self-conscious about them. This is a perfect example of how messages we receive, whether they be direct or indirect, impact our body image and our perception of our bodies and the apologies we’re expected to make for them.

Next, we talk about lies we have been told about weight. Leora discusses Body Mass Index (BMI) and the problems with it. BMI is a way to measure whether you are a “healthy” weight, based on your height. This is typically used in the medical profession to decide if you need to gain/lose weight or not. This is a problem because it doesn’t take into account other factors like lifestyle choices, age, or muscle mass. We learn that your habits matter more than your weight when it comes to predicting health outcomes. The Huffington Post article mentions that one-third to three-quarters of people who are “obese” (according to BMI) are metabolically healthy. This means they don’t have high blood pressure, insulin resistance, or high cholesterol. BMI is so flawed, in fact, that it rates some body builders, and Tom Cruise, of all people, as overweight. Some people who are considered a “healthy” weight, are actually less healthy than people who are considered “overweight” but who exercise. SO, if you’re like Leora, and health is super important to you, remember that your habits are better predictors of your health than your weight. Things like eating vegetables and exercising regularly predict your long-term health much more accurately than your weight.

Leora tells her story about the unhealthy habits she had when she was considered a “healthy” weight. Now, she is rated as “overweight” according to BMI but has much healthier habits. Exercise has been a very strong tool for Leora to improve her body image and get to a place of body positivity most of the time. That’s just one tool, and it may or may not be relevant to you. If exercise isn’t something you want to add to your life, that is your fucking prerogative! You do you. Say it with me now: if you hate doing something…that’s right, you don’t have to fucking do it!

Maddie discusses her past issues with seeing weight as being an important part of her identity, and how she has developed a healthier mindset. For Maddie, focusing on other parts of her life, such as her love for her people, her journey, her work, and all of the other facets of who she is, brought her identity away from her weight. Part of body positivity is about knowing that your weight does not define you. Maddie does not want her focus to be on her weight, but rather on doing things that feel good for her, physically and emotionally.

We discuss the idea of a “scarcity mindset”, and how this can affect our mental and physical health. It turns out that losing weight is really hard (shocker, we know), and there is some evidence that losing weight does change your metabolism and make it difficult to keep the weight off. So, gaining weight back is not a personal failure. For Leora, this information is just another reason to strive for health, if that is important to you, rather than for weight loss.

Maddie also read the book Bare, by Susan Hyatt. She should really consider opening her own library at this point. This book asks, “what would feel like love right now”? Asking yourself this question can help guide your self-care and give your body and mind what they need in order to move towards positive emotions about yourself and overcome a focus on weight. Maybe healthy habits feel like love to you, or maybe that has nothing to do with it for you! That’s okay, you get to decide, and it can look however you want it to look.

Maddie talks about what happens when you feel like your body is against you. In The Body is Not an Apology, there is a discussion about how to love a body that has chronic pain, mental illness, disabilities, or any other challenge. For some, accepting these things about the body are what body positivity is all about. Maddie goes into her journey with chronic pain, including gastrointestinal issues and headaches. Initially, Maddie hated her body for what she was going through. Her mental health and her body were in a vicious cycle of making one another worse. Maddie learned that once she started paying attention to her body and mind and fitting self-care into her routine, her pain lessened. For Maddie, giving compassion and listening to her body was key in dealing with chronic pain and finding healing, although she has had to come to terms with the fact that she will likely always deal with chronic pain on some level.

Maddie briefly forgets which country she’s in, but Leora is right there to write up some flashcards for her so she can remember. Helpful, we know.

Leora gets nerdy for just a hot second to explain what “somatic symptoms” are. These are the physical symptoms that come along with mental health issues for some people. They are real and not at all uncommon. Examples include sleep issues and stomach aches. Often, treating the mental health concern can help ease these physical symptoms.

Just like anything else related to mental health, coming to body positivity is not a linear journey from zero to one hundred percent. Some things may cause setbacks. Being aware of these triggers and knowing that you have a body positivity toolkit you can use when this happens is key to maintaining a healthy body positivity journey. When you feel down on yourself, give yourself a little extra kindness rather than feeling shame about it!

Maddie talks about curating your social media feed to promote body positivity. Some of her favorite pages to follow are BodyPosiPanda, Self Love Liv, iWeigh, and, of course, our queen, Lizzo. We are, indeed, tired of the bullshit too, Lizzo!

We discuss how messaging about bodies in our society and mainstream media has led to struggles with body positivity for so many of us. A big piece of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is noticing the messages you are telling yourself that don’t serve you, and replacing these with messages that do serve you. So, rather than shaming yourself and apologizing, surround yourself with messages of positivity and worthiness. Affirmations are another way to improve self-esteem and promote positive messaging. We know it sounds ridiculous, but it works. Try saying some nice things to yourself in the mirror or writing down some things you like about yourself! Become your own cheerleader and stand up to your inner bully. Try giving your inner bully a ridiculous name so that the next time that bitch tries to bring you down, you can just be like “oh Antoinette, you are such a waste of my time”. Make more room for that inner cheerleader, girl!

We leave you with a poem from the book The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur. Here it is for ya:

“I reduced my body to aesthetics

forgot the work it did to keep me alive

with every beat and breath

declared it a grand failure for not looking like theirs

searched everywhere for a miracle

foolish enough to not realize

I was already living in one”

-Rupi Kaur

That’s right, you are a miracle! Yas, you, queen! We hope you found this episode to be inspiring and helpful! Please, comment below or connect with us on social media- we want to hear about what body positivity means to YOU!

TOOLS

1. Focusing on your health rather than your weight (if health is important to you) by doing things like eating nutrient-rich foods and exercising. Remember, your behaviors are better predictors of health outcomes than weight!

2. Ask yourself: what would feel like love right now? Slow down and listen to your body, try to figure out what it really wants.

3. If you struggle with chronic pain, have compassion for your body and listen to it rather than hating it for the pain it is causing you.

4. Be aware of somatic symptoms and talk to your therapist or doctor if you think you may be experiencing them.

5. Know your triggers for body positivity setbacks and be prepared with a toolkit to take care of yourself when they occur.

6. “Dump the junk”! We’re talking about minimizing the negative messaging about bodies that you encounter, and surrounding yourself with media, people, and resources that lead you to self-acceptance and radical self-love.

7. Affirmations. Speak out loud or write some things you like about yourself. This can include things you’re grateful to your body for, things it can do, or things you like about how it looks. This can also have nothing to do with your body and instead be focused on your accomplishments, relationships, attributes, etc.…whatever resonates with you! Stand up to your inner bully by being your own biggest cheerleader.

8. Worksheet from Beyond Beautiful by Anuschka Rees

9. Focusing on what your body can do rather than how it looks (if you’re a masochist who loves to exercise like Leora does).

Podcasts can’t provide professional advice. If you need help: http://bit.ly/TOSKresources

Correction: In this episode, the article title was stated as “Everything You Know About Weight is Wrong”, which was an error. The correct title is “Everything You Know About Obesity is Wrong”. For full citation, see below.

CITATIONS

Belluz, J. (2016, April 6). Why BMI is a flawed measure of body fat, explained by an eloquent 14-year-old. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/2016/4/6/11377158/bmi-flaws-tessa-embry

Hobbes, M. (n.d.). Everything You Know About Obesity Is Wrong. Retrieved from https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/everything-you-know-about-obesity-is-wrong

Hollis, R. (2019). Girl, wash your face: stop believing the lies about who you are so you can become who you were meant to be. Nashville, TN: Nelson Books, an imprint of Thomas Nelson.

Hyatt, S. (2019). Bare: a 7-week program to transform your body, get more energy, feel amazing, and become the bravest, most unstoppable version of you. Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, Inc.

Kaur, R. (2017). The Sun and Her Flowers. London: Simon & Schuster.

Rees, A., & Esmeraldo, M. (2019). Beyond beautiful: a practical guide to being happy, confident, and you in a looks-obsessed world. Callifornia: Ten Speed Press.

Taylor, S. R. (2018). The body is not an apology: the power of radical self-love. Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.