Reading will always be the ultimate self care for me. It's a way to invest in myself and has brought me so much growth. You see that face up there? That's my happy face ;) Because this book is my absolute fave. Couple questions for you. What do you want for your life? What do you want to achieve? If I asked you what your goals were, would you know? More importantly...do you know WHY they are your goals?
Before reading The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte, I didn't feel like I deserved anything I wanted. I, of course, did have goals...make money, have a big house, be in a good relationship and get kittens...but I didn't believed I deserved anything. One thing that happens when you move across the world, lose who you are, have your body breakdown on you and struggle with anxiety, is you lose your self worth. You lose confidence in the idea of dreaming big or that thinking you deserve more than what you already have. I had spent all my money. Used up all my energy, both physically and emotionally. Was depending on my partner for confidence and reassurance. Lost my connection with my family. I felt like all I was doing was taking from everyone I knew. And I was! I wasn't giving much to anyone, yet alone myself. I wanted something more from my life. And so I started reading.
The Desire Map is one of those books that you read and you are changed from. My perspective changed, my definitions changed. The perception I had of my emotions and their power morphed. It contributed to me getting my self esteem back. It helped me understand that I was meant for more and that it was ok for me to have goals.
Here are my main takeaways.
The power is in your hands.
The Desire Map takes the idea of goal setting one step further. Instead of just asking what you want to achieve, it asks...how do you want to feel?
It makes understanding and choosing your emotions a creative, liberating experience, because the perspective we should have is that our emotions can be our guiding star. They can be more powerful than we know. I think that as humans, we often think of our emotions as being reactionary and usually negative. This is particularly the case for any of us who have struggled with our mental wellbeing as we perceive our emotions to be dependent on the things around us, rather than us being in control of them. I love Danielle's concept of emotional goal setting so much because it blows that notion out of the water and gives us the potential for a positive emotional experience.
"Something phenomenal happens when you start to examine your desires. You get closer to your reality...all that you can appreciate and everything you want to change. And you also get closer to your potential."
Believing in the power of my emotions to reveal tough truths and knowing that the power to change my life was in my own hands, made me feel hopeful that life could be better. It was such a relief.
It's ok to want change. To want to grow. To want to truly live.
Another thing the book changed for me was this idea that having goals was selfish. I thought that wanting more meant that I was ungrateful for what I already had. But when Danielle talks about desire, she calls it the "foundation of our will to live" and claims that when we stop having desires, we stop growing.
I've always believed that we feel things and communicate as a species in the way we do, because we are made for growth...mentally, intellectually, emotionally, physically and so, the lesson that I took away from this book was that, in order to fulfill our purpose in life, we must "look desire in the eye..." because that will tell you what you really want and lead you closer to your authentic self.
Who are we? What are we capable of? What is our purpose? When we turn away from the things we TRULY want, our lives are changed and numbed on all levels...but once we start listening to our desires and making conscious choices to lead us towards those goals, we become fulfilled and self aware. The magic is that once we lead a life we love, we can start to give back.
Do your goals make sense?
Another lesson I loved was that maybe the goal I originally set for myself wasn't the best representation of what I actually wanted. The lessons in this book encourage us to make more choices and to listen to our deepest truths so that we create goals with soul. With more purpose...rather than just picking goals that won't fulfill us when we attain them.
For example, one of my goals was to own a car. Because...you know...that's what people do when they are #adulting. But when I examined this a little deeper, I realized that what I actually wanted was to feel secure and free - free from car troubles and owing someone something for helping me. With these at the forefront of my mind, I realized that I was in a financial position which meant that another monetary investment would take away from the feelings of security and freedom. I had been down that road before...having no money and feeling trapped and dependent on others and I was not interested in going back there. So instead of focusing on a monetary investment of buying a car upfront, I instead decided to focus on increasing my income level so I could more affordably buy a car for that freedom. I hired a business coach and I eventually got a side hustle and a raise and I hadn't felt more secure and free in my life. Only then did I buy a car.
Now whenever I want something, I go beyond the materialistic nature and ask myself if it's in line with how I want to feel. You'd be surprised as to how many vision board changes I've made after asking myself this question!
So what I hope for you lovely reader is that this ruffles your feathers a little bit. That it makes you question whether what you want is what you ACTUALLY want. That it sparks a belief that your emotions can do so much more for you, with you. That it gets you to dig deeper.
Like anything, trying to understand how you want to feel isn't straightforward. Did I mention by the way that half the book is a work book (I'm geeking out over here)?!? Your answers can and will change as you learn more about yourself. But if you want to go a little deeper and make conscious choices in order to live a more fulfilled life, this book is a must read.
Learn more here: The Desire Map - Danielle LaPorte
And FYI these have been my emotional goals this year.
To be and feel more AUTHENTIC.
To create and be more CONGRUENT in my life.
To get CREATIVE.
To feel LOVED.
To feel SHAKTI.
What are your emotional goals? Tell me in the comments below!
