For a long time I thought that relationships were the most important thing. Like... it didn’t matter if you were struggling with money, work or life in general - as long as you had someone that you could love and share life with, then everything was always going to be ok in the end. Now it turns out that I was half right and despite the hours the Beatles must have researched… you do need more than love. You need yourself.
At my darkest times panic attacks would isolate me from everything around me and there’s no time in my life I could honestly say I felt more alone. I know what you’re thinking… how was this better than seeking comfort in others? Meditation. We’ve all heard the old adage about giving a man a fish… and it teaches us that giving someone the tools to support themselves is far more effective long term, than simply offering a short-term lifeline...
At first I was terrible, I’m not going to lie. I would try to meditate and one of two things could happen: I would spend far too much time trying to fight my intrusive thoughts (thinking shouting at yourself for everything your shit at doing) that I would end up feeling more anxious
I would go so deep into “emptying my mind” that I would just sleep.
Despite seeming counterproductive, both of these outcomes pushed me in the right direction. Stage 1 allowed me to actively fight through my troubles until I got to the point where I had nothing to fight… and then after 5 minutes into a session I would head towards stage 2. Although the idea of mediation isn’t just to sleep… this is where my mind and body would go until I had rested enough to meditate properly.
For me… this took about 2 weeks of daily practice but results will vary depending on your own experience. Some sessions were quicker than others, but each session after that I would both a mental and physical weight being shed with each breath. For those that haven’t experienced it, it’s difficult to explain but the closest likeness I can muster is that breathing exercises through meditation, when done properly, are akin to the warmth you get from somebody you love holding you… only when you are done meditating, the comforting feeling doesn’t disappear.
Charlie