Who here has ever asked for a raise? You know it’s funny - I’ve had so many conversations with the women I know who are in business and being totally honest, I’ve been kind of a hypocrite. I’ve been the number one cheerleader for all my girls, telling them that they are worth it. Telling them they should negotiate rather than just accepting the first offer they are given. Because they are worthy of more. And it’s been pretty successful for them. One woman I know got $7000 more a year because she chose to negotiate. Another girl got $14,000 more a year because she asked for a raise when realizing other people in the same position were getting more. But I had never asked for one myself.
It’s a well known fact that women are significantly less likely to ask for a raise than men. In fact, according to the World Economic Forum, men are 4 times more likely to ask for a raise than women and when we do ask, it’s often for 30% less than men. Having seen and encouraged so many to ask, I went out of my comfort zone and I asked for a raise. I did the research to back up my suggestion. I looked at my position, job description, goals etc and the promises I was made. I had a coaching session to build up my confidence. I wrote 3 separate drafts. I consulted with a number of women I knew to ask their opinion and have them review my letter. I did everything you could possibly do to prepare, plan and make a clear headed decision.
And I was rejected. My blog today isn’t about the ins and outs as to whether I should have got one, what the response was and whether or not it was right or wrong. The reality is that many people get rejected. Employers are thinking about the budget and mostly, it’s due to timing and we shouldn’t take it personally. Instead I want to tell you what I did next.
Let's be real. I had a good cry. For a while. I know it’s ok to let myself feel the disappointment. I was sad for the plans I had for the money. The security I was going to give Lyndsey and I. I gave myself that one evening to just feel it. Often blogs tell us how to rise back up but it’s so important to allow us to feel our range of emotions. Just take some time and sleep on it and you’ll often feel better in the morning.
Then I woke up the next day and got dressed and I went into full on self care mode. I had a shower, shaved, plucked my eyebrows and of course, I put on the red lipstick. I decided I was going to celebrate. It took me SO much courage to ask. So much courage to gather the information, build up the anticipation and actually put in the request. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. And I was prepared for a no. I did something I had never done before and gave sound, practical, research based arguments for doing so…and I was proud of myself.
So that afternoon, I went to Anthropologie and brought myself a champagne glass, and some champers to celebrate. It felt good. Sitting in the garden in the sunshine sipping and celebrating.
So whatever you’re waiting to do, just do it. Just ask. Rip of the plaster and get to it, but remember. When you don’t get something you want and things don’t turn out the way you plan them, it’s so important to celebrate when you fail. Because it’s in those failures that you find what you're really capable of and you’re redirected to the next big stepping stone.
Cheers!
Self care tip: Feel it. Always allow yourself to feel it. But not for long...don't wallow in it. Once you pull yourself out of it, get up and make a list of 3 things that you can do to get you where you wanna go when plan A doesn't work. You GOT this!
Have you ever been turned down for a raise before? What are your tips on managing disappointment? Tell me in the comments below!
