#27: Let's Talk About Suicide

 
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We want to start this episode with a trigger warning. We will be talking about suicide, self harm, talking about some of the hardest parts of mental health. So please make sure you are taking care of yourselves first.

We just recorded an episode on triggers. If you think you may be affected by this in some way, please go and listen to that episode to understand what a mental health trigger is. To be triggered is not to be whiny or precious; it is to be shot in the gut with a memory too painful for your body to withstand.” - It’s Not Ok To Feel Blue and Other Lies by Scarlett Curtis. We are not an overly emotional society for talking about triggers. Trigger warnings are a sign that we are finally acknowledging the harsh reality surrounding mental health. Please refer to our previous episode for more insight into triggers.

Finally, please remember our podcast is not a substitute for professional support. If you are struggling because of content in this episode or if you are not ok...that is ok because we are human beings. Just please make sure to go and get the help you need from an organization or professional and know you aren’t alone. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

So let’s get started. Over the last few years we’ve been hit with a wave of suicides from celebrities. People such as Robin Williams in 2014, Chester Bennington from Linkin Park in 2017, Anthony Bourdain in 2018 and most recently, TV presenter Caroline Flack from the UK in February this year. Each one has taken us by surprise, each one with new lessons and new calls to talk openly about our emotions in order to prevent suicide. 

Before we get into it all, we want to acknowledge and distinguish between two terms...

  1. Suicide - the act of taking your own life.

  2. Suicidal thoughts/ideation - thinking about or planning suicide.

Even though we have a mental health podcast, extensive experience in the mental health world, suicide is a really big topic for us to cover. It’s complicated, it’s very personal and honestly slightly overwhelming. But it’s also one that’s so deeply relevant to all of us today and we couldn’t let more time pass without addressing it. It’s a growing epidemic and it appears to be happening more and more and we’re seeing it in both our personal worlds, and in the media as well. Here are some statistics for you. 

  • According to an article by USA Today, since 1999, the suicide rate in the US has risen by 35%. 

  • On the AFSP website, (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) they claimed that suicide is now the 10th leading cause of all deaths in the US.

  • Erica Davis-Crump in her TedTalk “It’s Ok Not To Be Ok” https://youtu.be/x136YxQTUXo 

  • Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for 15-24 year olds in the US.”

These patterns are reflected around the world. One example is in the UK. The Samaritans 2019 Suicide Statistic Report, shows that suicide was the number one leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 16-24 years old in the UK as well.

This week’s is a very personal one for me. My uncle committed suicide when I was a child and it changed a lot of things for my family. Here in Madison we have had a couple of people within the LGBTQIA community commit suicide in the last couple of years, leaving partners and children behind. I too have struggled with suicide ideation and will be sharing my story with you a little later on.

Most impactful for me however is a story about a friend of mine. A while ago, I had a friend reach out to me for support, someone who I had known for a long time asking me about therapy and how to get help. He told me that he had made one unsuccessful suicide attempt prior to talking with me and he didn’t want to go that route. So I gave him some resources and talked to him about his struggle. He was on the waiting lists and starting to get help. But one day, not too long after we spoke, I heard he had passed from suicide and it broke my heart. It’s one of the reasons that I actually decided to commit to the podcast. Why? The single message didn’t feel big enough anymore. I wanted others to know that there is a community of warriors out there who are also fighting the same battle. That there are tools out there. Sometimes I feel that the collective consciousness of our community can be really powerful, much more powerful than a single person. 

For Leora, talking about suicide can be nerve-wracking as a therapist. There are a lot of issues with liability fear, but the issue here is that people think that talking about suicide can make people more suicidal. But that’s just not true and it’s so important to highlight that.

So let’s dive in. Why does this happen?

The Samaritans Suicide Statistics Report says that “Suicide is complex and is rarely caused by one thing. It usually follows a combination of adverse childhood experiences, stressors in early life and recent events. Research shows that bereavement, abuse, neglect, self-harm, mental or physical ill health, and experiencing academic pressures are just some of the common risk factors for suicide among young people. Of course, it’s important to know that most young people will experience these stresses and not go on to take their own lives.

For me, here’s what I believe. Culturally, we don’t talk about emotional intelligence. We are not taught how to manage our emotions in school. It is getting better with more and more schools inviting outside guests to talk about mental health. When I was researching this, I was really hit by a sentence that Erica Davis-Crump said in her TedTalk - “Our babies are making very permanent decisions to very temporary situations all because they’ve been informed that it’s not ok to not be ok.” I think that this is really telling. 

Erica Davis-Crump also said...“90% of all those who commit suicide have a treatable mental illness at their time of death.” It is getting better, but there is a lack of resources, access to therapy, access to healthcare. And people can be left feeling hopeless and helpless. 

As I said before don’t really talk about suicide. We don’t talk about it because it’s scary. Because it is taboo. People often think that when you’re talking about committing suicide, you’re “attention seeking” or selfish. Whereas often, it’s about pain management. We are in so much pain, it feels too big to hold or too big to face. And the world seems too cruel to endure. But here’s the thing. We aren’t alone. I know we say it all the time. We are not alone. There are others.

Maddie’s Story...

Leora: Ok so I know you were open to talking a little bit about your own personal experience with suicidal ideation. Can you talk us through how you got to that place and what happened?

Maddie: Yes so for me, I was heartbroken and was going through the grieving process. And I was just in so much pain. My entire life was built around this person, and I had a lot of complex trauma and I just didn’t know how to move through it. There was just one weekend where everything snowballed. It’s like all the emotions were moving and I couldn’t catch up to them to stop them and I became suicidal. 

Leora: What resources did you use? 

Maddie:

  • I booked an emergency appointment with a therapist. I waited in my car for 4 hours so I wouldn’t go and do anything. I left with a list of helplines and not too much strategy. I felt very alone and still really scared. It was a Friday I think? Maybe Thursday and I wanted to be ok before the weekend.

  • I didn’t give up though. I immediately called my doctor who was able to get me in right away and I was extremely lucky. I wasn’t able to get in with my primary, but I was able to get in to see another young doctor. He listened, showed me compassion, understood that I knew what I was talking about, that I needed immediate help and was doing everything in my power to take away the pain in a safe way. He prescribed me some medication and asked me if I had support that weekend. 

  • Straight from the doctors, I went to my friends who took me away for the weekend up north. I had my meds, I had no appetite and I had a couple of episodes where I panicked because I knew my body wanted to do it and my heartbreak felt like too much and then my mind stopped me. My friends let me cry, they listened when I wanted to talk, they listened when I told them I didn’t think I could face the world if it could cause this much pain. Just having them there and them just listening, made me feel so much better. I needed to get it out.

Leora: Were there any tools or techniques that you used that helped you specifically?

Maddie: There’s a technique that my therapist taught me, especially when it pertains to self harm. It's that if you want to hurt yourself, one thing you can do is hold ice in your hand. It can give the feeling of pain because it’s so cold, but it doesn’t hurt the skin and you don’t actually cause harm. One time when I was particularly struggling, I told my friend I needed to get out of the house and asked her to take me to the water. Water has always been soothing to me. And I went and stood in the lake. It was freezing cold - February. When I came out my feet and legs were bright red from the cold. But we sat there and talked and I got out some of the things I had been wanting to say and after a while, I felt better. 

One thing I do want to highlight is that I am your stereotypical happy girl. The one who shows up with a smile on my face. I’m more optimistic than pessimistic. What did I do moving forward? I was open with my Zumba family and friends about what had happened. I asked for a different therapist and started going regularly again. I took my medication. I did everything I could think of to love myself, and I didn’t really spend much time alone. Slowly, I started feeling better. 


SO WHAT CAN WE DO. WHAT CAN YOU DO? WHAT CAN I DO?

If you are struggling…

FIRST it’s ok not to be ok. But you need to go and get help. Hit up a crisis hotline. Resources page on our website - the suicide hotlines on our resource pages. 

Please get help. Talk to friends and family, find a therapist, speak with a psychiatrist, Find a plan that works for you. But don’t suffer alone.

If someone you know is/might be struggling...

Kevin Briggs has a Ted Talk called The Bridge Between Suicide and Life. Here are a few things to do or look for if you’re concerned for a loved one:

  • Listen to understand. Don’t argue, blame or tell them you know how they feel because chances are you don’t. Just be there. 

  • Don’t be afraid to confront them and ask the question. Something to say could be “others in similar circumstances have thought about ending their life. Have you had these thoughts?” See what they say. 

  • Hopelessness - believing things are terrible and never gonna get better

  • Helplessness - believing there is nothing you can do about it

  • Recent social withdrawal

  • Loss of interest in life

Ted Talk “How to start a conversation about suicide” by Jeremy Forbes - started his own charity called HALT. Interestingly, Jeremy worked as a tradesman and he talks a lot about masculinity and how those things can be a real barrier for people going to get help. You can find his Ted Talk in the citations at the end of the post. 

Teachers…

Please watch the TedTalk by Erica Davis-Crump because as she says, “just as it takes a village to raise a child, it’s going to take a village to sustain that child.” I believe that mental health support should start at home and continue in school.

We know that this is a really big topic and we are barely scratching the surface but we hope that the tools and resources in this episode will be helpful to osmone who is listening. To finish, I want to just quote Erica Davis-Crump one last time…“The same creator who created the sun, the moon, the valleys, the sea…that same creator saw fit that you should be on this planet too. I personally believe that’s pretty profound. So it’s ok not to be ok. But it’s even better if you go get help”.  - Erica Davis-Crump

Written by Maddie Ace

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