I recently hit an important milestone. This week marked one year since I last self-harmed. I feel so grateful and excited to have hit this anniversary, because it means so much more than just not self-harming. It means my foundation is stronger and more consistent, and that the tools I’ve been working so hard to implement have been working.
It took me back to the beginning. To my “Oh Shit Kit”. A simple box at the time that helped me to step out of that bathroom and start living my life again. It literally saved my life and, although it’s evolved over the years, it’s been at the core of my healing.
The idea for a physical “Oh Shit Kit” came from one of my therapy sessions. I was having panic attacks and was in some repetitively dangerous situations that led my emotions to become heightened and out of my control. I had started self harming as a way to cope with those emotions and was on a journey to learn how to remove myself and self soothe. In a session with my therapist we talked about creating a kit and the term ”Oh Shit Kit” was coined. It changed everything!
This kit has been useful to me in SO many situations. My red box travels with me everywhere, is constantly evolving and lives on show at the bottom of my bed so I can just grab it whenever I need a boost. It’s been useful to me in extreme situations...where I’ve been triggered in any aspect of my mental health. It’s helped me curb my need to self-harm and it’s become a place in and of itself - an escape from anything negative so I can heal.
Ultimately, what it comes down to is a two-step process:
DISTRACT - an immediate first response to get you away from a negative or dangerous mindset.
SOOTHE - a way to truly take care of yourself by encouraging grounding through the senses.
Let’s dive into these concepts and how you can use them to create your own Oh Shit Kit!
DISTRACT
The beauty of DISTRACT is it’s immediacy. All of us have had those moments of pure panic. I refer to it as the dread drop. Some get consumed by their thoughts. Some experience extreme heightened emotions. Some have panic attacks. The idea is that you go to your “Oh Shit Kit” as a method of first response, the priority being getting you out of that panic mindset and grounded in the now.
TOOLS FOR DISTRACTION
Some ideas for distraction techniques are a list of progressive intervention techniques. These start with relying on others, and then end with the ones that rely on only you. Here’s a few ideas of what to include…
Names of people to call to talk things through. Maybe it’s a family member or a friend. But someone you can reach out to. Make sure to have had a conversation with them first about including them in your box so they are prepared and on board with being a first response. That way any worry or guilt or shame won’t stop you from making that call.
A little card of hotline and warm-line crisis numbers. Have them written down. Maybe you have a booklet or a little laminated card or something. Maybe just a print out. Just have them handy, just in case.
Exercises you can do yourself. So you could have prompts to do each of the following exercises.
54321 grounding technique: Look around to find 5 things I can see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I can hear, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can taste.
Scanning exercise: Physically look around the room moving your head and your eyes, scanning the room.
Name what you see: Another one I have a prompt for is name everything you can see. Literally just list it off, this helps to get you grounded in the current moment.
Alternate nostril breathing: You can have a link to one of Yoga with Adriene’s videos or just a prompt if you are familiar with it already. This is such a great one for calming the nervous system when we are in a place of crisis.
Prompt to visualize your safe place: I have a spot at this place called Chatsworth in England I go to in my mind. Waterfall, overlooking the grounds, just me and my cat. Find one that’s really soothing for you.
Square breathing: Think in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat as many times as needed.
You may also have some physical tools that help you get out of your mindset.
One option is an acupressure mat, which can help to get you grounded in the moment.
Another is a reminder to watch a light-hearted comedy show like The Office or Schitt’s Creek that immediately makes you laugh as it always lightens the mood.
If you still want more ideas, head on over to this great article about grounding techniques for the body when in a heightened state - 25 Grounding Techniques for Panic Attacks
There’s also a great book about somatic experiences called Healing the Tiger by Peter Levine that gives some exercises as well.
SOOTHE
This is my favorite part. I love this because 1) it’s a little self indulgent but 100% completely necessary so I am all about it and 2) you can use the senses for both grounding and soothing. Here are some ideas based on the 5 senses that I use often in my OSK!
TOOLS FOR SOOTHING WITH SENSES
TASTE
What is your fave chocolate? Mine are Terry’s chocolate orange or the Red Velvet chocolate bar from Brennans in Madison. YUM.
Hot tea can be very calming and relaxing. Pop a tea bag in there to remind you to make yourself your fave cuppa. Something soothing like chamomile can help with relaxation.
Sometimes even a piece of gum can be good. It feels refreshing, resets your palette, and can just pull you out of your current state. Simple. But effective.
SMELLS
Lavender... Something calming can be really powerful. A bath bomb, an eye mask or essential oil roll-on can all work!
Room sprays … I have an awake spray from a place called Wildewood here in Hilldale, Madison. I also have Deep Sleep Pillow Spray (lavender). These have actually become part of my daily routine outside of my Oh Shit Kit!
Face masks - I love sheet masks for the sensory experience… and also for the comedy value. It makes you look a little like an Egyptian mummy.
You can get candles that smell like just-baked cookies! I think they’re from Hy-Vee… They are the bomb.’
SIGHT
Photographs of happy memories that can ground you.
Encouraging letters from loved ones. My family are the kings and queens of beautiful loving letters and cards. I keep them all and pick my fave ones for my box.
Your favorite book…
“Freedom Is An Inside Job” by Zainab Salbi is always my first go-to.
Daily Afflictions by Andrew Boyd was gifted to me and I love that as well.
A magazine you love - Bella Grace has some amazing activities, Happinezz is full of fun and Color or Magnolia can be really soothing as well.
Your vision board or a miniature version. This helps remind me of what life is left to live and also grounds me in my values.
The Book “The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse”... The artwork is absolutely beautiful.
OOOOH there’s this new Jason Momoa coloring book... I’m just saying, it’s at Target. Go get it.
I also have decks that I pull from when I feel like I need a message from the universe.
A photo of people/animals you love.
TOUCH
I have a stress ball by “Stressed by design” and it’s orange and squishy and I love it. I think I got it from Paperchase...or the US equivalent
A CBD Patch
Your fave comfy jumper. I have one I bought just for this purpose and it feels like I’m getting a hug every time!
Heating pad. I actually put it on my chest and find that really soothing.
A gravity blanket can work for those of you who don’t get claustrophobic.
Mermaid pillows
Meds
SOUND
A piece of paper with CALM APP written on it. Go on the app and try all the things. I love a Sam Smith song that they have adapted to soothe and relax and there are of course hundreds of guided meditations. I love one that’s all about body discomfort and I’ve also used one for travel anxiety.
My friend just sent me a free course for meditation! There are a ton of these all over the internet. Sign up and put the URL in your box to remind you to seek it out.
Create a playlist on Spotify and put a prompt in your box. I have a fun, empowering playlist for self love which includes...
I Love Me by Demi Lovato
Love Myself by Hailey Steinfeld
Keep Your Head Up by Ben Howard
Good As Hell by Lizzo
Me Too or I Love Me by Meghan Trainor
Number One Fan By MUNA
Come and Get It - Selena Gomez
Roar - Katy Perry
I also love Mr Bean and The Vicar of Dibley, my two fave UK comedy shows.
You could also listen to funny podcasts like My Favorite Murder, And That’s Why We Drink, and Do You Need A Ride!
The list goes on and on. While these are ideas, here’s what I currently have in my Oh Shit Kit to give you some inspiration!
MY CURRENT OH SHIT KIT
DISTRACT
A Sudoku puzzle book... I’ve used Sudoku for years, on planes and in the evenings when I can’t sleep, and it has nostalgic value as my Grandma taught me all the tips and tricks. I have a book by my bed and another in my kit.
The ice technique... Maybe you have a prompt in there - a piece of paper that says ICE just in case. It’s a really good distraction tool if you feel like you want to self harm.
A prompt to scan the room.
A bath bomb... Get in the bath immediately. Pull yourself out of that panic state. Go to Lush and get one that feels really yummy!
A list of warm-line numbers, readily available, just in case.
SOOTHE
Sight:
Two card decks
Gabrielle Bernstein’s The Universe has your back card deck
Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul card deck
I will go into each one and pull out a card that I feel drawn to and see what the message is.
Last night...GB’s was “Oneness is my true nature” and Singer’s was “Let go. No matter what it is, let go.
Letters from loved ones - one from my girlfriend, one from my best friend, some old cards from my Mum and a letter from my sister that I now actually keep in my purse with a prompt in my Oh Shit Kit
Affirmations from loved ones - my friend Emily gave me some that I keep in there.
“Fear is a liar” quote which is by my Oh Shit Kit and at the bottom of my bed.
There's a book called “The Rituals” by Natalie Macneil and it’s beautifulllll - ”simple practices to cultivate well-being, deepen relationships, and discover your true purpose.”
Smell:
Lavender eye pillow and roll-on. I have the Jane Inc one from Anthropologie and I ADORE IT. I actually bought it in Chicago before I was due to fly home last time and it was huge in keeping me calm and getting me grounded.
Anything volcano scented - I have hand lotion and a candle.
Sound
Music - my CD because it reminds me how far I’ve come.
Jose Gonzales - Crosses is a big song for me. Always has been!
I also have Alanis Morissette if I’m feeling sassy and mad. The classic Jagged Little Pill album of course!
Prompts to log on to the CALM app and do a meditation. I have a few saved on Youtube. Tried and tested is always best so you know they work and they feel familiar.
Touch
EFT prompt card - Emotional Freedom Technique. AKA tapping! One gentleman that goes to Zumba with me offered to teach me for free and it’s been such an incredible tool. I do it at least once a week to soothe.
A CBD patch from a good friend.
Jade face roller - I loooove that it soothes my skin and is cool to the touch.
Stress ball - it’s like an orange cat! It’s the best.
Taste
Pop rocks! They turn into gum…I accidentally on purpose ordered packets in bulk when I was tipsy and put them to good use.
I would LOVE for you to create your own physical “Oh Shit Kit” so it can bring you some light on hard days. Take a picture of what you’ve gathered and share it with me on social media/in the comments and tell me how you are finding comfort through Distract and Soothe!
