Music -Phoenix-
NOW AVAILABLE!
This album includes songs that track my mental health journey - my breakdown, my struggle & my healing. My hope is that these songs will provide you with some insight as to the mental health journey and provide some hope to those who are struggling.
A new, limited edition version of this album is now available to purchase in the shop!
Half of all proceeds are donated to mental health based organizations.
Keep scrolling for the full story!
The Original
In my final year of A Levels (which for my American peeps are pre-college exams in England) I was so overcome with anxiety that I had to leave school. I taught myself at home with the help of a couple of fantastic teachers who supported me by sending me work and never lost faith in me. After taking my A Levels I had 3 months of therapy with a fantastic lady and managed to recover and go on to achieve 3 As at A Level, go to University as planned and get a 2:1 in Politics whilst having a part time job, volunteering and being a committee member for Oxfam Society. If it wasn’t for the support and help of the people around me I would not have recovered in the way I did. I met a number of people at University who had gone through similar struggles, from eating disorders to anxiety, and was so shocked by how common mental health issues were amongst people my age. I was so lucky. I was supported by the people I loved and was able to get the help I needed but I strongly believe that the stigma surrounding mental health has been hugely damaging for many people who have needed help and have been too afraid to ask for it.
The Music.
Thank you to Charlie Frakes - my producer and long time best friend who helped me record each track free of charge! Throughout my own journey, I wrote three songs which told my story: the waves at the beginning, the hiding and overwhelming thick of it, and the rising determination to overcome it. These became my story. The message I hope to spread is that having and listening to a voice is important and being able to speak out about these issues can truly save lives. I hope that I can literally be a voice for those who are struggling, to show them that they are not alone and that there is a way out.
Tracks.
Wave
Peekaboo
Phoenix
Nellie
The Way
Bounce
Sails
It started with a Wave…
There’s something underneath the surface, that’s dragging me way down underneath.
I need some help to understand it, it’s making it hard for me to breathe.
There’s a wave crashing down on me.
There’s a wave crashing down on me.
In betwixt those beds of roses, the thorns they’re cutting you all the way through.
Won’t somebody try to understand it? She’s scared to speak out so much to lose.
There’s a wave crashing down on me.
There’s a wave crashing down on me.
The Art.
Thank you to Vernon Lee - an incredible artist who did all of this free of charge.
Live.
Phoenix -April 2013
The title song is the heart of why I chose to do the album. I had so much support throughout my experience with mental illness, but it has shocked me SO much to notice that this just isn’t, and hasn’t, been the case for other people. Stigma can be so damaging. It can cause guilt and sadness and instead of a motive to fight you are left with an even larger void, causing you to withdraw. When I came out about my mental illness, it was a tough adjustment period. No-one really knew what it meant until my breakdown, there is no guide book for it and every individual needs support in different ways. But my then boyfriend and my family never stopped giving me unconditional support and went out of their way to know that I was loved and that I didn’t have to go through it alone. We figured it out together. When I experienced mental health issues I literally felt like I’d been reduced to my most basic self. I believe that coming through my mental illness made me a stronger person and Phoenix is about the light the support can bring, in the darkest of times.
Nellie - March 2013
There were many instances where I came up against the stigmas associated with mental illnesses along the way. This has mainly been due to a lack of understanding. It’s completely understandable that those who have not had to deal with someone with a mental illness do not understand the many aspects of what it means. One person for example said “don’t catch it” to my then boyfriend as though mental illness is a common cold. Others merely distanced themselves from me which is almost more hurtful. Being a voice for others means having the courage to speak out. Nellie is a song I wrote when I was trying to decide whether or not to release the album. It’s been a tricky task deciding how open to be about my mental illness I have chosen in the end to be a bit more guarded on social networking sites. But I had these song lyrics printed on the booklet to highlight that struggle and to also show how important it is to fight this, even though it can be quite hard.
The Way - September 2010
The Way is about a past love. This person was my life, my best friend and was there throughout the entire journey. The event which triggered the beginning of my phobia happened just months after we got together. He never once judged me, gave up on e, stopped fighting for me. He supported me through every moment, coming to therapy and standing by me in my hardest moments. The Way is about how I appreciated the small things in our relationship and how much gratitude I still have for him as a person.